- SELF Magazine, November 2011

In the decade during which I was a dedicated Weight Watcher I never realized what I really wanted.  I thought a number on the scale would finally make me feel free.  Little did I know…kind of like Dorothy…the power to be free was with me all along.  I only needed to choose to see it.

When I decided never to go back to my weekly weight management meeting I still hadn’t realized that.  But that day, after a decade of slavery to the number that left me once again weeping in front the receptionist, I figured there had to be a better way.

I stopped going to meetings and put my scale in the closet. I started going to the gym more – and not because it earned me extra points.  I began to pick up habits that I actually loved, instead of feeling obligated to scrutinize everything I did with a mind to whether it would be in support of my weight loss goals.  Weight Watchers helped me when I needed it, but it was time to let go.  It was time to do it my way.

One day, I wandered into Erika Shannon’s Sunday morning intenSati class.  The class, designed by Patricia Moreno, contained moves I recognized from kickboxing, dance, aerobics and yoga.  With each movement, we were invited to repeat affirmations to prescribe how we wanted to think, feel and act.

For a long time I remembered that first series that I learned; the first affirming poem that stole my heart. With six-plus years of series running through my mind, I just can’t access it anymore.  But I do remember being instructed to focus on what I wanted.  And as I got deeper into the work thanks to teachers like Erika, and Patricia, and others from outside the immediate intenSati world, I realized that didn’t mean “I want to lose three pounds.”  And it didn’t mean, “I want to fall in love.”  It meant, “What do you want to feel?”

I wanted all the things I wanted because of how I thought they would make me feel. I wanted to feel free.  I wanted to let go of the self-scrutiny.  I wanted to feel unfettered. I wanted peace of mind.  Once I realized, through intenSati, that I could choose to feel the way I wanted to feel right now, something shifted.  And when it became apparent that making that choice actually led to the appearance of the things I really wanted in some form or another, it was a revelation.  Focusing on the feeling allowed events, people, and things that supported that feeling to show up.

Once I stopped cursing my body for not being able to let go of the three pounds it insisted it needed, it finally let go.  I gave up the fight and my body changed.  Things started appearing differently to me.  Once I stopped pressuring myself to go on countless online dates, and decided to just be present and free and have fun on the date I had on one particular night, I met my husband.

Four years after taking my first class I trained to lead intenSati classes.  I’ve done a lot of teaching around the city, but I have never been as excited as I am now to lead a class inspired by the idea of freedom.  On May 16, 2012, at 7pm at 440 Studio, 440 Lafayette Street at Astor Place, I am leading what will be a rockin’ intenSati class followed by a dance-like-no-one’s-watching-dance party.  After I found myself bouncing around my apartment to Lady Gaga, I knew I needed to plan something to share that kind of liberation with you all.  Cast off the shackles of yesterday.  And join me in a celebration of our freedom to love our lives and be ourselves, right now.

Click here to register.

“The further along I go with this awakening that has happened and continues to unfold, the more it becomes apparent that the real key to waking up is wanting to wake up.”

- Tom Stine

For a long time I considered “willpower” associated with avoiding certain foods.  If I had enough willpower, I could chew gum from the time I got home from school until dinner thus avoiding any after school snack.  Goodbye hours sitting at the kitchen counter watching Matlock and devouring entire bags of pretzels.

I’ve learned, however, that willpower applies to matters far beyond the kitchen.

The power of your will can be used to improve your thinking.  Every thought you have is infused with energy.  Think about a time when you felt powerful, in control, happy, proud…you can feel the effects of that in your body.  Think about a time when you felt powerless, put-upon, detached, angry…you can feel that too, in a completely different way.  You can use the same willpower you might use to prevent yourself from eating a whole bag of pretzels (not the snack pack size, either) to prevent yourself from going to the place of powerlessness and anger.  You can use that same power of your will to make a better choice.  You might go to powerlessness and anger, but you can choose to see this experience as something from which you can learn.

Just like when you make good food choices you see positive results in your body, you mind is similarly reliant on the principle of “good in—good out.” To make a better choice, and to keep your thinking in line with what best serves you, you need to be…willing.  Be willing to connect with your true purpose…boiled down your purpose is to feel good.  Because when you feel good, you are of service to yourself, those are you, and the ripple effect begins.  When you connect with your true purpose, you can see how your low-level thoughts are not serving you.  So, be purposeful in how you’re choosing your thoughts.  And be willing to see things differently.

Your activity:

Think of an area of your life where maybe you’re suffering.  Affirm to yourself that you’re willing to release this suffering. Pinpoint how your thoughts are creating your circumstance. What belief or concept is repeating in your mind? How can you think differently?  Are you willing to use willpower to choose a better-feeling thought? Every time it comes up?

Let me know what happens!

Maybe there’s nothing else to “do.” The doing is done. And now is the time to allow.  Allow all you want to come to you.  If you’re in the energy of wanting, and taking, and grabbing, then you can’t be in the energy of allowing.  There’s time for the doing.  And there’s time for creating space in your mind, in your heart, in your life, for all you want.  Call upon the feeling that everything you desire is making its way to you.  Soften your heart and let it in.

I am open and willing to receive.

I am willing to remove all that is blocking me from being loving and feeling love right now.  I am light.  I am love.  I am loving. I am loved.