Your intuition can tell you a lot about where to go and whether you should keep going. But, if you’re keen enough to listen to a voice we’ve all been taught to tamp down or even ignore, you can get some valuable information on which direction to in next.

We’ve always been taught not to compare and that it’s not “good” to be jealous. Hell, envy is one of the seven deadly sins. But the voice of jealousy can offer you valuable information. I like to call this “the jealousy cue.”

This is a voice in your mind that you might not be listening to because it’s too painful or because we’ve always been taught not to buy into it. It’s the part of your consciousness that looks people up and down and says, “Man, I wish I had/did what that chick was doing.” Sometimes it’s really ugly. It can cut people down. It can distance you from what you perceive as their brilliance. But here’s how to hear it and use its powers for good, instead of evil.

How to hear it.

The voice of jealousy is often really hard to hear at first. Certainly it’s hard to understand its good intentions because that voice is shrouded in such yucky energy. But, if you can take a step back and recognize the thought-patterns of your green-eyed monster, you’ll disarm that creature and put her to work for you.

Some common thoughts that sometimes precipitate “the jealousy cue:”

• The nose-up cue: I could do it better.
• The indignant cue: I’m not going to participate in this thing I really love with this teacher I really love because [fill in the blank excuse.] (When really the excuse is: I want to be in that teacher’s shoes!)
• The pettiness cue: Judgmental, critical comments about her hair, nails, fashion sense, or vocabulary. Typical mean girl shiz.

Sometimes the jealousy cue is purely energetic. Feel your energy getting kind of strange or wonky around someone? Take a minute to investigate. Is competition contributing to part of the weirdness?

What to do with this information:

Take action. Whether it means taking a course, going to a dance class, or letting yourself be free enough to make a crazy fashion choice, take action. Make a move that will give you the same feeling you imagine it feels like to be in the shoes of the object of your admiration. Reach out to the person you’ve got this weird energy with. Find out how they got where they are. Diffuse your jealousy and you could have access to a great resource.

Do you. This is not license to copy someone else. Tune in to your inner voice of authentic guidance and listen to your gut instinct before making a move. What feels right to YOU?

There are two ways to get down with this voice. Get sucked into its nasty wormhole and end up alienating yourself from the people who could be your greatest mentors. Or, see it for what it is — valuable direction from your soul voice — and find clarity out of a dynamic that could otherwise have been fatally flawed.

Now it’s your turn. Have you ever been jealous of someone and then had the epiphany that it was because you wanted to get closer to everything they were about? Have you ever turned jealousy into inspiration? How will do you that going forward? Post your thoughts in the comments below.

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How Determining Your Stand Can Extract You from Drama in Two Seconds

Where do you stand when the s— hits the fan? When someone gets all up in your grill and is all, “Maybe it won’t work out, and then what? Where will you go, what will you do, who will you turn to? It can’t always work out. Maybe you’re in the percentage that ends up homeless on the street with a tire for a pillow, a grocery cart for a closet, and a cardboard box for your baby’s basinet.” When someone infiltrates your cone of zen and starts peddling fear, where do you go?

The way I see it, we have two choices.

Choice number 1: Get hooked and go down with the ship. They say a drowning person is so panicked that they actually make it really hard to rescue them. Or so I remember from Junior Life Saving. They wrap their arms around your neck, and you’re just about as f—ed as they are. Same goes for the fear-peddlers in your life. If you’re prone to fear and worry and anxiety, it’s really flippin’ easy to get taken down. Your worried mind is comfortable believing in the worst case scenario. However, even though we are prone to worry, we still always have a choice. Choosing to buy into the fear and let other people steal the peace we so lovingly and painstakingly cultivated is a choice. Up to you whether it’s the one you want to make.

Choice number 2: Take a stand. Who are you? What do you believe? Who are you twelve years in the future and how would that person react to what’s going down right now? When confronted with negativity that threatens to take you down you have the choice to be militantly protective of your own well-being. One way to do this, that will get you out of the spiral fast, is by asking yourself Who am I really? What do I stand for? And what would that person have to say about all this? 

Here’s an example: I was working with a client recently who is well on her way to developing a multi-level practice as an energy healer and coach. When caught in the fear and self-doubt, when confronted by nay-sayers and fear peddlers, we could easily turn to the healer — the future vision of herself — and we could ask what the healer’s response would be to these forces in her life. This enabled her to take a stand for her future and protect herself from the internal and external forces that were f—ing with her. It enabled her to react with compassion to the fearful voices.

One of my teachers, Gabrielle Bernstein used to say she treated negativity as though she was a vegetarian and someone placed a piece of meat on her plate. Someone can get all in your face with their negativity and fear but it’s up to you whether or not you take it in.

Choosing to change your reaction can get you out of the path of the worry-train in as long as it takes to make a choice.

So, I want to know what you do when the fear-peddlers get all up in your grill, or the worst-case scenarios start seeming a little too vivid. What’s your first response? And then, what do you do to try to talk yourself down?

Leave your feedback in the comments below.

If you thought this post was useful, pass it along to a friend. And remember, sign up for the mailing list so you can get news about articles like this, offerings and special events. It’s free! And you get some free goodies just for being your awesome self.

When I was in high school, I ran-walked the mile in the Presidential fitness test in just over fourteen minutes. I played on the tennis team where our conditioning drills amounted to a few suicides and a run around the backstops of the three softball fields that abutted our courts, all before the season started. I was routinely told to get the lead out of my feet. Suffice it to say that, though I was coordinated and motivated to do well in everything I attempted, I was not the picture of athleticism.

If the 16-year-old me was staring into a group fitness class at the gym she wouldn’t recognize me. How did I go from slogging through the mile to killing it in class and confounding my friends with my commitment to my fitness? How did I go from loathing physical activity to needing it like medicine? Like most things, it evolved:

I was always encouraged to workout. My mother was — and still is — a Jazzercise franchise owner. There was ample opportunity. But, two things kept me away, at least part of the time. I felt like I was routinely failing at all the tests of physical endurance. And, I had boobs so big that I was convinced they were a physical impediment to my efforts. A deformity. Something that would keep me sidelined, like a club foot. The day my bra strap snapped in Jazzercise class only served as confirmation.

I never experienced exercise as stress-relief because asking my body to do all the things required of it was anything but stress-free. I could never move freely. Exercise was just a reminder of how gross I thought I was. Exercise was another opportunity to trot out my distorted thinking. I’m deformed. I can’t. If I move, I will be seen. And there’s nothing worse than being seen.

Late in college, after I had breast reduction surgery, my excuses dissolved a bit and I discovered the Stairmaster. That summer, I jogged outside on the gravel paths at the sleep-away camp where I was a counselor. And I actually enjoyed it. Then, when I moved to New York City, I discovered group fitness. Even though I was exercising in a group setting I felt less concerned about what I looked like and I was less convinced people were watching me. Though I’d taken dance class since I was four until I graduated high school, I finally experienced true joy while dancing. And it was dancing with strangers at the gym that got me there.

I had now cultivated my enthusiasm for working out and I had my routine. Kickboxing Monday. Dance Tuesday. Run Wednesday. Dance Thursday. Body sculpting Friday. Step Saturday. I was so committed I’d wait around until as late as 7:30 for dance to begin some days. And I never went home in between class and work because I had the vague sense that I’d never get myself back off the couch and I’d be haunted by guilt. This practice became unwieldy when I started dating the dude who’d become my husband. In favor of hanging out during the week, I began to try to work out in the mornings. It was hella hard. I felt like I couldn’t move in the morning. And it took me three months to get totally used to it. But once I did, I suddenly couldn’t turn back. My morning workouts became my medicine. I would feel all weird or out-of-it if I didn’t get to the gym.

I was so dedicated to my practice that for more than four years I woke up at 4:45am every weekday. My friends were some combination of awestruck and appalled by my dedication. The benefits far outweighed how tired I might have been at the end of the day. I started to find a community through my morning pilgrimage. And, I had inadvertently found a prophylactic agent that kept the blues at bay.

Then, not too long ago, I thought I could game the system. We were out of town, and I let myself fall out of my routine. Exercise was tended to less regularly. Meditation was non-existent. As a consequence, I melted the f— down. My self-talk was punishing. Destructive. I was crying myself to sleep, crying in public, crying in the shower. And we were on “vacation.” Then, I promised myself that this would never happen again. The thing is the mood stuff is always there. The risk of falling into the dark spiraling thoughts is a real possibility. And here, I had given up the tools I knew gave me a fighting chance. That vacation was a peek into how important routine is to me. When you’re dealing with funky mood stuff, the “things” that keep you feeling good are so important. If you know what they are, cherish them, honor them. They are your salvation. This is when I realized: Movement is my medicine.

I imagine myself standing with my palms pressed against the door, the weight of my entire body bracing against it as it buckles. It bulges like there’s a wolf on the other side attempting to blow it down.

Amid that onslaught of emotion and my resistance to it, I miss all opportunities to ask for the support I need and then I get resentful when I feel like I am not getting what I want. And all of this only makes the anxiety worse.

Resentment is the biggest c*ckblock when it comes to getting close to other people and allowing them to get close to you. Just like the dopey friend at the bar, it says stupid stuff. It’s kind of nasty and aggressive. And has that greasy facade you think protects you from rejection; the one that says you’re all tough and invulnerable when you’re feeling anything but. For those of us who suffer anxiety, or too-much-worry, carrying resentments is the single thing that’s blocking us from getting the support we want-slash-need-slash-deserve.

Check yo’self! 

Here are a few checks you should do to soften your resentments:

You got some splainin’ to do. 

Have you explained your situation? Expecting our sig-o’s to implicitly understand what we’re going through isn’t always fair. Even if we’ve explained it over and over again. Is it frustrating when we don’t immediately get what we need? Can it exacerbate the fear and worry when we feel like our partner may never get it? Yes. And yes. But if you take the time to breathe, then explain (yet again) what you’re coping with, odds are your man will want to be there for you.

Welcome to the jungle. 

Are you allowing him to be there for you? Resentment works like the same poles of a magnet. It’s an energetic repulsion. So, how can you neutralize the field around you so that you are open to others’ support. To receive support, you have to be ready for it. Create an environment that’s welcoming to support by softening your heart and mind. Do some meditation and relaxation exercises and tell yourself, “I am ready to receive support and comfort. I offer myself support and comfort.”

Request not resent.

Have you asked for what you need? Are you sensing in a theme here? Asking for what you need is the single best way of taking your power back from the knockdown that’s taking place in your mind. We can’t expect those around us to be mind-readers. When we do, we’re setting ourselves up for even more frustration, prolonged pain and worry. Check in and ask yourself what you really need. And offer those around you a thoughtful request so they can give you what you need and be there for you.

All of these checks are self-nurturing acts, too. So while you’re opening yourself up to the support of others, you’re also giving yourself the support and love and comfort that you need.

I want to know if you found this useful. How have you found yourself c*ckblocking your support system? How have you released your resentments? In what ways have the people in your life miraculously showed up to support you? Leave your feedback in the comments below.

If you thought this post was useful, pass it along to a friend. And remember, sign up for the mailing list so you can get news about articles like this, offerings and special events. It’s free! And you get some free goodies just for being your awesome self.

Not only is the honeymoon over but it’s like you’ve returned from that honeymoon to a landscape you don’t even recognize with a travel companion who looks like a stranger. You find yourself standing on Mars, reaching to touch the face of someone who has morphed into a Martian. You ask yourself the big questions and drive yourself deep into a scary future. You feel scared and alone, alienated from your partner and unique in your challenges.

Just because so few people talk about the moments when they hit the ground on the relationship seesaw doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. So stop comparing. And know you don’t have to suffer. And, you don’t have to be scared. It’s not all going to pot. You are so not far from redemption.

How to free yourself.

So much of anxiety, in relationships and otherwise, rises out of unmet needs. And naturally, when we’re in a relationship we’re prompted to look at the other person to fulfill our needs. We blame. When they don’t or they can’t rise to the occasion, we dig in and get desperate. And the questioning begins.

There’s a fatal error in that reasoning, one that can only lead to the meltdown. When we look outside ourselves for fulfillment, it’s like sitting on a two-legged stool. The foundation is unsteady and we’re bound to fall. We’re also giving away all of our power. Relying on someone else to swoop in, read our minds, and make us feel better is basically acknowledging that we don’t believe we can take care of ourselves, and make ourselves feel peaceful, nourished and happy.

Have you asked for what you need?

Sometimes in our anxious haste, we forget that we never asked our partner for what we need. On some level we expect them to be mind-readers. The only way to free yourself from relationship anxiety is to:

Identify the needs that are not being met.

Offer yourself whatever it is that you need.

Ask your partner for what you need from him.

How to ask for what you need:

Asking for what you need can be fraught. At the moments in your relationship when anxiety is pounding at the door, you’re living in emotional chaos and you might not be on the best of terms with your partner. However, if you do it right, you will experience incredible relief and increased closeness with your partner.

Think about it: Give yourself time to consider exactly what you need. I am sure you never sound like a nag, but if you ever did, the time you take to think about what you truly need and how you want to ask for it will help you be taken more seriously.

Pick your time: Choose your timing carefully. Launching into your laundry list of “needs” in the midst of yet another argument will not have the same impact as calmly asking your partner to talk at a time when emotions aren’t running as high.

Give ‘em the speech: You need to do this in a way that feels natural to you, but here are a few tips on structuring your thoughts. Start by explaining the emotional journey you’ve been on to this point. You’ve given this a lot of thought. You’ve been struggling because of some needs that aren’t being met. You need help meeting these needs. And here they are… Let him know what you see happening if he can’t do his part to help you fulfill these needs. And ask if he’s willing to work on it with you. Keeping the vibe of partnership, “we’re in it together,” shows him that you’re not putting all the burden on him to make you feel better but that he’s an integral player in your happiness as a couple.

Your partner’s willingness to make you feel comfortable and happy may surprise you. But allow it to remind you of all his stellar qualities, his compassion, attentiveness and dedication to your coupledom. Watch that Martian morph right back into the human you love. Unless you have some kind of X-Files fetish. Then go with it.

I want to know if you found this useful. Were you able to ask for what you need? How did it go? What did you learn about yourself and your partner? Did it help you find a bit more peace of mind in your relationship? Leave your feedback in the comments below.

If you thought this post was useful, pass it along to a friend. And remember, sign up for the mailing list so you can get news about articles like this, offerings and special events. It’s free! And you get some free goodies just for being your awesome self.

The point is I wanted to get as far away from pain as possible. And, why wouldn’t I? This is human instinct, isn’t it? Who wants to feel pain? Who wants to get closer to it? Most of us are quite content to run screaming in the other direction.

But the crying hissy fits, the tension-ridden chases, the crying and the screaming didn’t do all that much to make the pain go away. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the force with which I resisted the pain probably made things much more uncomfortable for me.

The same is true for our emotional pain. Do we want it to just go-the-f-away? Hells, yeah! But if we run screaming from it, the tension rises. It’s like trying to run from a barking dog. It’s going to chase you down and it’s going to be worse than if you just stood calmly and engaged with it. (This I literally know from personal experience, too! Metaphor for another time.)

If we ignore it, it doesn’t exactly abate, either. It’s like the annoying girl who sat behind you in Hebrew school who poked at your shoulder blade until you turned around. She wasn’t going to stop until you paid attention to what she had to say.

So what’s an anxious girl to do? 

Dive in! Get closer to your pain. When you become curious about it, a couple things happen:

It loses its bite. Our fear of truly investigating our emotional pain casts a long shadow. And that shadow can make the pain itself seem even more scary, something from which we really must run. But, when you commit to getting curious, what looked scary and foreboding from from far away will become a lot less imposing.

Another benefit to getting closer to your pain is that you might actually find a way out of it. So back to that barking dog analogy: You’ll never figure out how to get the dog to stop barking if you’re running away from it. Right? …Right? (I ask twice because I know you’re wary of this theorem.)

Okay, so maybe I’ve made a convincing argument for not running away, but how on earth are we supposed to recondition ourselves and work the muscles we need in order to engage with our pain. We need to create a new instinct, a new habit.

A Right-Brain Activity for Anxiety Abatement 

Your first reaction may aways be to run. But catch yourself. Then:

• Invoke the power of your five senses. Use your imagination to create an image of your pain as if it were three-dimensional object with all the properties of something in the physical world. What does it look like? Smell like? Taste like? Feel like? Does it make a sound? What does it sound like? Write down your musings.

• Account for what you’ve created: Through this imagining, you’ve created a “thing” that you work with. What needs to be done to this thing to make it less powerful? Do you need to simply move it out of the way? Flush it down the toilet? Burn it and bury its charred remains? Again, use your imagination.

• Contextualize it: Ask yourself if there are any real-life actions you can take to approximate the actions your intuition has inspired.

I want to know if you found this useful. Were you like me as a kid around doctors? 

Have you had a chance to get closer to your pain? How did it go? Were you able to connect to your pain? Did the image of what it looked like give you any valuable information? Leave your feedback in the comments below.

If you thought this post was useful, pass it along to a friend. And remember, sign up for the mailing list so you can get news about articles like this, offerings and special events. It’s free! And you get some free goodies just for being your awesome self.

You can try to tell yourself that you’ve got to start thinking differently if you ever want to feel normal again. But, it’s damn near impossible to get through to you. The you, that is, who knows what you “should” be doing and thinking, but can’t seem to get out of the tailspin long enough to do anything about it.

Girl, I feel you. I wish we didn’t have to go through this, but here we are. I’m here to offer you five ways to slam on the brakes and reroute that fear train before it takes you any closer to the edge. Stop now, whatever you’re doing, and breathe.

Notice: What does it feel like to be in this state? Are you really worried? Are you regretful or angry? What do these emotions feel like in your body. Name the sensations. Tingling? Heaviness? Tension? Where do the sensations reside? In the pit of your stomach? In your shoulders? Behind your eyes? Whatever it is, wherever it is, name it, acknowledge it. Tension in my shoulders. Tingling in my chest. Pressure behind my eyes. Breathe and feel it. Allow it to be. Then notice what happens when you approach your mind and body with this attitude? Does the tension decrease, even a little?

Dive in: Go in there, get close to the feeling or sensation…examine it. Does it have a shape or a form? Is it dark and craggy? Is it smooth and shiny? Can you imagine it moving or is it fixed in that place? Can you offer yourself comfort around it and just let it be?

Inquire: What does this sensation and associated object represent for you? Listen to your gut for the answer. Don’t think too hard. Is it sadness or burden? Is it hopelessness or loneliness? Again, acknowledge what you’re feeling. Then ask yourself what you need. Do you need to relinquish some responsibility? Do you need to ask someone for help? Do you need to connect with a friend who is truly there for you? This is essential: Underneath the discomfort there is an unmet need. What do you need?

Get yours: Probably the hardest step. Asking for what you need. This is a loaded proposition and one we’ll cover in more depth at a later date. But for now, take some time to think about how you will go about requesting what you need. Reason it through and put some thought behind it so it comes out clearly. It’s amazing how often we don’t say what we mean. Be straightforward and explain why you need it. Believe you deserve to receive what you need. And in the process, remember why is it important. One reason might be because you’re hell-bent on getting out of the state of distress!

Arm yourself for next time: When we’re in the thick of it, it’s near impossible to remember the tools we have at our disposal. It’s harder still to rely on and trust the innate wisdom we have that clues us in to what we can do to offer ourselves some peace. So, ask yourself what you will do when you’re triggered to remember that you don’t have to go down with the ship. Routine helps with this. If you sign up for my mailing list, you get a series of meditations that arm you with a routine that will help you stay out of the red zone of anxiety. Once you begin to figure out what works for you, you can make a series of habits your non-negotiables, understanding that your well-being relies on them. For now, decide on your first go-to new habit — meditation, a walk around the block, a class at the gym — to get you out of your worried mind. Then start working these steps.

I want to know if you found this series of tips useful. Have you had occasion to put them into practice in your own life yet? How did it go? Did you remember you had these tools when the fury of your worried mind barreled down on you? Were you able to connect to a new way of thinking? How did it feel to ask for what you needed? Leave your feedback in the comments below.

If you thought this post was useful, pass it along to a friend. And remember, sign up for the mailing list so you can get news about articles like this, offerings and special events. It’s free! And you get some free goodies just for being your awesome self.

What does the love you want feel like, in your body, in your heart? Get in touch with the sensation. Ooh, Ah, delicious. The moments you take to FEEL your dreams catapult you toward achieving them. Don’t underestimate the POWER of sitting for a minute, breathing, and imagining what it feels like as though it’s happening right now.

Okay, now, let’s talk.

I want to talk to you about three things I did before I met the man who is now my husband. Six years ago, I was just venturing into the conversation around mindfulness. I was just dipping a toe into the ocean of ideas around “what you think about, you bring about.” So, it was only looking back that I realize I made room, mentally, for him to come into my life through a number of practices. Here’s how I translate what I’ve learned:

Lesson number one: Fall in love with yourself!

During my dating years, I was constantly battling my heart’s calling. I simply wasn’t listening to, or accepting, myself when it came to how I spent my time. I criticized myself for not being as fun-loving or carefree as my peers. I hated going to bars. I viewed “going out,” heading to too-loud, too-crowded, over-hyped places with the express purpose of wandering into the peripheral vision of some would-be-interested guy, as a dreaded gauntlet I had to navigate if I was ever going to meet someone. I would do it. Because I thought I had to. But, who wants to hang out with that girl? I needed to do more of what I loved doing. I realized I was curious, adventurous, intellectual…an old soul. And I started to like it! And, when I did things I was enthusiastic about it gave me something exciting to talk about! And I was a happier person. Happy people attract happy people. When I met Seth, I knew what I liked! And when he liked the same things (we talked about This American Life on our first date!) I knew we were connecting!

Lesson number two: Fall in love with your life as it is right now.

When I met the man who is now my husband, I wasn’t looking. Don’t they always say that love will come to you when you stop looking for it? I wasn’t looking because I had, for the previous two years, been filling up my single life with things and people I loved. I didn’t feel like I was incomplete. I already had love. How can you elevate the love you feel to the point where you are completely full? So you’re not dependent on the arrival of another person to fill up a cavernous hole in your heart. Fall in love with your life, everyday. The people, the things you’re doing, your family. Accept, forgive, and release resentments and grudges. Feel freer. Open up space for someone to come in. When you fall in love with your life, when “the one” comes in, he or she will just be the sweet glaze on the cake you’ve already lovingly prepared.

How can you fall deeper in love with your life and all the people who are in it now?

Lesson number three: Let yourself have fun!

Because I’d fallen in love with myself and in love with my life, my dating life was relieved of so much of the pressure we tend to feel when we’re “on the hunt.” Nothing was “missing” from my life, so there was no pressure on anyone I was dating to fill a hole in my heart. I was full-up! And that enabled me, and my date, to simply have a good time. No desperation. No anxiety. Can you just let go and have fun?

I wasn’t consciously going through these steps at the time, but I realized in retrospect that I made room for him to show up. And show up he did. I am blessed to have called in a man who is always there for me, unflaggingly devoted to our happiness, and stands with me as a partner, honoring and supporting my dreams, as I do for his.

She’s a shadow self.

What do you do when you recognize a version of yourself who is holding you back, and not contributing the way you’d like? Do you berate yourself for not being able to get your act together, after all this time, given all you know to be real and awesome about yourself? Is it working?

Here are a few ideas on how to get the shadow on board:

Recognize she’s not you, she’s an element of you.

A while back, I assumed this aspect of me who was cloistered and scared was who I was. I felt paralyzed, and alone. I told a colleague of mine that I felt like I was in a cave. And I couldn’t come out into the light. This bunker-girl seems like a version of that cave-chick. But, a major shift came for me when I realized that this girl is actually some wounded part of me. It’s not me in that bunker, scared that I wasn’t ready to put myself out there. It’s an inner critic, as a part of me that is scared. That realization made it easier to engage with bunker-girl from a place of love.

From whence did your shadow emerge? Where’d she come from? What does she represent?

Find out.

Bunker-girl is simply afraid to be “out there.”

Engage with her.

I needed to remind bunker-girl how prepared we actually are. Since she’s not actually working, but sort of filling time (I looked over her shoulder. All that computer work she’s doing? Facebook. She doesn’t post a lot. She’s a lurker.) I need to remind her that her contribution is welcome, if she’s actually going to help us. But mostly I want to tell her that she can come out of the bunker. Her presence alongside us as we put our business out there will make us stronger. We do need her. And she needs to feel needed. She also needs to be pushed a little. She needs to be assured that venturing out into the light will not be dangerous. It will help us do the work we are meant to do.

Usually your shadow needs something. What does your shadow need?

Champion your strengths.

If your shadow has been holding you back, perhaps the awesome aspects of you need to be reminded how awesome and strong they are. Maybe the voice of your strengths needs to get louder. The part of me that was outside the bunker needed to level a combination of stern eye (eyebrow raised) and gentle encouragement on bunker-girl. The real me needed to assert her power, with respect for bunker-girl’s needs and fears.

What is possible if you are able to invite your shadow self to dance?

In Happier at Home, Rubin sets her sights on her home. “Home is the center of our lives,” she writes, “for good or for ill.” I’ve lived in the same home for eleven years, in New York years, that’s like approximately 22. I’ve lived in my apartment for as long as I lived in the house I grew up in (into which we moved when I was 7!) I LOVE our apartment. But, after so much time, and all the memories and energy it holds, the old girl could use some TLC. So, as I read the book, and implement Rubin’s happy home resolutions, I’ll blog about it here.

September is dedicated to “possessions.” And the first resolution: Cultivate a Shrine

We recently sent a whole bunch of stuff to my parents house in New Jersey so many of our shrines have been dismantled. We had a book shrine, a collection of books spanning two bookcases and many stacks on top of those that sat nicely on the shelves. The bookcases held books from my husband’s catalogue as well as my own. Looking around our apartment, and bearing in mind our efforts to stay clutter-free, I find the only suitable space for a shrine is my workspace.

Rubin creates a shrine to family and a shrine to work. I could create a shrine to work, especially since I’m cultivating a new work life. I recently bought a new computer that feels so unencumbered by old files and back-up contingencies and who knows what mucking up the cogs she’s as flexible as a baby that can touch her ear with her foot. I don’t want a lot of chackas sitting around collecting dust. I already have enough piles of papers, books, journals, bills, and notebooks…

…by George…I think I’ve got it.

Perhaps my shrine should be one of organization. My offering to my work is decluttering. There is a file cabinet next to my desk that had so much paper in it that I am grateful for a particularly thick bill because I can shove it in there with more success than a flimsy single piece of paper.  My offering to my work is clarity by way of cleanliness. I resolve to clean out that file cabinet, eliminating the multiple copies of the novels I’d worked on, the old bills and statements…and if that’s all I can think of that might be in there, I am sure there’s a whole lotta crap that I am sure I never thought I would find. In her book, Rubin talks about a book weight that holds a book open to a particular page so you can copy your notes. She loves how perfectly suited it is for its job. Its handiness became apparent to me as I started to reference her book, while trying to type at the same time. I would like one of those. Maybe I will find one as part of my Shrine to Work. First resolution is taking shape. Shrine to Work initiative is underway. Rubin’s next resolution is go “Shelf by Shelf.” Back soon with more on that.