Learned Freedom

…or Why I Love intenSati

 

In the decade during which I was a dedicated Weight Watcher I never realized what I really wanted.  I thought a number on the scale would finally make me feel free.  Little did I know…kind of like Dorothy…the power to be free was with me all along.  I only needed to choose to see it.

 

When I decided never to go back to my weekly weight management meeting I still hadn’t realized that.  But that day, after a decade of slavery to the number that left me once again weeping in front the receptionist, I figured there had to be a better way.

 

I stopped going to meetings and put my scale in the closet. I started going to the gym more – and not because it earned me extra points.  I began to pick up habits that I actually loved, instead of feeling obligated to scrutinize everything I did with a mind to whether it would be in support of my weight loss goals.  Weight Watchers helped me when I needed it, but it was time to let go.  It was time to do it my way.

 

One day, I wandered into Erika Shannon’s Sunday morning intenSati class.  The class, designed by Patricia Moreno, contained moves I recognized from kickboxing, dance, aerobics and yoga.  With each movement, we were invited to repeat affirmations to prescribe how we wanted to think, feel and act.

 

For a long time I remembered that first series that I learned; the first affirming poem that stole my heart. With six-plus years of series running through my mind, I just can’t access it anymore.  But I do remember being instructed to focus on what I wanted.  And as I got deeper into the work thanks to teachers like Erika, and Patricia, and others from outside the immediate intenSati world, I realized that didn’t mean “I want to lose three pounds.”  And it didn’t mean, “I want to fall in love.”  It meant, “What do you want to feel?”

 

I wanted all the things I wanted because of how I thought they would make me feel. I wanted to feel free.  I wanted to let go of the self-scrutiny.  I wanted to feel unfettered. I wanted peace of mind.  Once I realized, through intenSati, that I could choose to feel the way I wanted to feel right now, something shifted.  And when it became apparent that making that choice actually led to the appearance of the things I really wanted in some form or another, it was a revelation.  Focusing on the feeling allowed events, people, and things that supported that feeling to show up.

 

Once I stopped cursing my body for not being able to let go of the three pounds it insisted it needed, it finally let go.  I gave up the fight and my body changed.  Things started appearing differently to me.  Once I stopped pressuring myself to go on countless online dates, and decided to just be present and free and have fun on the date I had on one particular night, I met my husband.

 

Four years after taking my first class I trained to lead intenSati classes.  I’ve done a lot of teaching around the city, but I have never been as excited as I am now to lead a class inspired by the idea of freedom.  On May 16, 2012, at 7pm at 440 Studio, 440 Lafayette Street at Astor Place, I am leading what will be a rockin’ intenSati class followed by a dance-like-no-one’s-watching-dance party.  After I found myself bouncing around my apartment to Lady Gaga, I knew I needed to plan something to share that kind of liberation with you all.  Cast off the shackles of yesterday.  And join me in a celebration of our freedom to love our lives and be ourselves, right now.

 

Click here to register.